You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
