Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
