Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
