um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
my poor anus
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
