if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize