But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
