there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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