they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
