I wish I could teleport
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
