Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
