Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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