she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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