I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize