MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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