I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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