The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
