Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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