Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
