so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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