He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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