Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
love makes seman taste better
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
cat food counts as protein by the way
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
