my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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