Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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