I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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