She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
