Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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