so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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