The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
