I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
