Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
