im about as happy as oj after his trial
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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