I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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