The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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