You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
