That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Randomize
