I'm lost and stupid without you.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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