U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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