xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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