I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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