i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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