By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
