Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
