if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
