Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My liver is preforming stress tests.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
