even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
bring money and cleavage
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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