hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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