hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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