Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
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