I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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