RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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