I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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