You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You are a genius and a whore.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
