I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
