Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
