I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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