This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I am mentally ready for anal.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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