we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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