I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
