I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
