just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
