my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
