Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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