I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
