just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
