Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
