and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
