Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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