I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
