I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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