I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I can't put those talents on a resume
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
