I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
